Well, Ive made the front page of the local rag! With my controversial take on a days drinking session. In my foolishness and haste, I deleted the post in a bit of a panic but after consulting with my good friend Jack Daniels I think bollox to that.
I suppose Ive learnt a very valuable lesson here, with comedy you either like it or you don't, or in this case you either get it............ or you don't.
Comedians are controversial, that's all part of the act, so the fact that the local rag deems me front page news is fantastic!! God Ive only been at this for a few weeks and already I'm famous, id like to take this opportunity to thank the paper for highlighting my blog!!might get a few stand up gigs from it.
Now, I do have to say that although I'm delighted to make the headlines, I'm a bit upset that they didn't deem the whole thing printable, they left out some of the more important rules...
rule#1 There shall be no use of vehicular transportation (wheelbarrows, skateboards and Tesco trolleys are deemed as vehicles)
Rule#9 Consumption of bar snacks will be frowned upon
Rule# 14 Should your Guinness flatulence get out of hand, you shall source an alternative beverage.
Rule # 15 Performance enhancing drugs are not allowed, this also includes Viagra.
So here's CHEERS to the extra PUB-licity!!
AS IF IT WASNT OBVIOUS ENOUGH
This blog is to be taken as seriously as ..............a whoppie cushion at a funeral!
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Arklow Challenge
Oh its front page NEWS!!!!
''Local Gardai and publicans are on the alert for a drinking challenge which they fear could sweep the town. They hope to stamp ut the so-caled Arklow Challenge before it gets going.
The Challenge which dares people to have a drink in every pub in Arklow was posted on the internet last week and has been condemned for promoting binge drinking.
The Random Headspace Blog which sets down the objective to ''successfully consume an alcoholic beverage in every drinking establishment in Arklow between the hours of 11am any Saturday and 2:30am any Sunday''.
The blog lists 15 rules for the Challenge. Rule 3 states that anyone arrested should be disqualified while rule 11 states that there should be no fighting, spitting, urinating in public, crying stripping or handstands.
However, a spokesperson for Arklow Gardai has slated the Challenge. He urged publicans to keep their eyes open for people who appear to be taking part in the Arklow Challenge.
Head of Arklow Vintners Pat Hoey described the dare as irresponsible. He said no member of the local Vintners Association would promote it and discouraged people from taking part. ''We will be watching out for it,'' he warned.
''Local Gardai and publicans are on the alert for a drinking challenge which they fear could sweep the town. They hope to stamp ut the so-caled Arklow Challenge before it gets going.
The Challenge which dares people to have a drink in every pub in Arklow was posted on the internet last week and has been condemned for promoting binge drinking.
The Random Headspace Blog which sets down the objective to ''successfully consume an alcoholic beverage in every drinking establishment in Arklow between the hours of 11am any Saturday and 2:30am any Sunday''.
The blog lists 15 rules for the Challenge. Rule 3 states that anyone arrested should be disqualified while rule 11 states that there should be no fighting, spitting, urinating in public, crying stripping or handstands.
However, a spokesperson for Arklow Gardai has slated the Challenge. He urged publicans to keep their eyes open for people who appear to be taking part in the Arklow Challenge.
Head of Arklow Vintners Pat Hoey described the dare as irresponsible. He said no member of the local Vintners Association would promote it and discouraged people from taking part. ''We will be watching out for it,'' he warned.
Wicklow News - 29th April 2008
Before today the Arklow Drinking Club was a figment of my imagination.
Monday, April 21, 2008
I wanna make you laugh
Right, so the story goes a little bit like this............... I realised that the C.C would be over soon, and considering that I've basically dedicated the past year of my life to that, I thought 'What the fuck am I going to do now?'
So I had a little think to myself about what I would like to do...........
Id like to be a Stand Up Comedian!!!
So I decided to do a bit of research, and by research I mean surf 'youtube'. So off I went and typed in 'Female Comedians'. Loads of results came back, and I had a good giggle at a few of them, but to be totally honest there was one thing that really put me off. They all talk quite alot about 'Vagina's!'
Now I don't know about you, but I personally don't find vagina's very amusing..............nor do I find them appealing.
So I decided that I would steer clear of the topic of Vagina's, and try to focus on different topics, such as Tesco and my flatmates .I also decided to try and keep smutt out of the act, but thats proving quite difficult!!!
So anyway, back to finding material for the act, I supose the reason for this blog is to track my random thoughts, get feedback from people and then try to put some sort of act together. So to anybody reading this please fell free to leave comments, or even better leave funny stories.
So I had a little think to myself about what I would like to do...........
Id like to be a Stand Up Comedian!!!
So I decided to do a bit of research, and by research I mean surf 'youtube'. So off I went and typed in 'Female Comedians'. Loads of results came back, and I had a good giggle at a few of them, but to be totally honest there was one thing that really put me off. They all talk quite alot about 'Vagina's!'
Now I don't know about you, but I personally don't find vagina's very amusing..............nor do I find them appealing.
So I decided that I would steer clear of the topic of Vagina's, and try to focus on different topics, such as Tesco and my flatmates .I also decided to try and keep smutt out of the act, but thats proving quite difficult!!!
So anyway, back to finding material for the act, I supose the reason for this blog is to track my random thoughts, get feedback from people and then try to put some sort of act together. So to anybody reading this please fell free to leave comments, or even better leave funny stories.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Every Little Helps
Have you seen the new Tesco Direct catalogue?
Its basically used (hem hem stolen) Argos's idea! Now you can buy practically everything in Tesco, I mean you can even get your insurance and a loan from Tesco. You can get a loan form tesco to buy all the shite that you dont need, from tesco. Am I the only person that finds it impossible to just buy bread?I swear in the head office of Tesco there a two little mice, having a conversation about what they are going to do tonight.
'Try to take over the WORLD'
So it got me thinking.............. what cant you buy in Tesco?
Mmmhhhh you cant buy a dildo in Tesco, and even if they did decide to branch out, I don't really think their slogan would help the marketing of the product ................. 'Every Little Helps'.
Its basically used (hem hem stolen) Argos's idea! Now you can buy practically everything in Tesco, I mean you can even get your insurance and a loan from Tesco. You can get a loan form tesco to buy all the shite that you dont need, from tesco. Am I the only person that finds it impossible to just buy bread?I swear in the head office of Tesco there a two little mice, having a conversation about what they are going to do tonight.
'Try to take over the WORLD'
So it got me thinking.............. what cant you buy in Tesco?
Mmmhhhh you cant buy a dildo in Tesco, and even if they did decide to branch out, I don't really think their slogan would help the marketing of the product ................. 'Every Little Helps'.
Friday, April 11, 2008
I lick my cheese
Flatmates............ who'd have em?
Unfortunately I have to!!
Yet again I'm faced with the daunting task of trying to find someone suitable to live with. I mean how hard could it be to find someone normal! Turns out, from my past experiences very hard indeed.
I'm just going to give you a quick recap on a few of my previous flatmates, of which the total number comes to 32, most of which were normal but a few of which should have be put in a plastic bag at birth and thrown over a bridge. Is 32 a high number? I wonder what the average is? I truly believe that I am the human equivalent of fly paper for freaks, and judging on my past house sharing record, there's evidence to prove it.
I once lived with a guy who thought it was OK to walk around naked, a girl who bought plastic cutlery and paper plates so she didn't have to wash up and a farm boy who lost his personality in a tragic tractor accident. There was also one incident where I woke up in my own bed to find my male flatmate watching me as I slept!! Needless to say he was kicked out of the house the very next day **shudder**
But anyway back to my current dilemma...........
Its very hard to figure someone out in the whole ten minutes of a room viewing. Most nutters do a good job of hiding the crazy for the initial introductions, Ive found it usually takes a fortnight or more for the veil to slip and let the crazy start to slip out. So what to do??
I wish there was a handy little device you could buy in the hardware store to detect freaks, like the little breath tester that tells you if you can drive. **knock knock** Hi very nice to met you, before I show you around the house, could you blow into this device please ...........**beep beep** Oh I'm very sorry sir, your results show that your a closet cross dresser,and you spend your spare time stalking your ex-girlfriends mother.
Unfortunately I have to!!
Yet again I'm faced with the daunting task of trying to find someone suitable to live with. I mean how hard could it be to find someone normal! Turns out, from my past experiences very hard indeed.
I'm just going to give you a quick recap on a few of my previous flatmates, of which the total number comes to 32, most of which were normal but a few of which should have be put in a plastic bag at birth and thrown over a bridge. Is 32 a high number? I wonder what the average is? I truly believe that I am the human equivalent of fly paper for freaks, and judging on my past house sharing record, there's evidence to prove it.
I once lived with a guy who thought it was OK to walk around naked, a girl who bought plastic cutlery and paper plates so she didn't have to wash up and a farm boy who lost his personality in a tragic tractor accident. There was also one incident where I woke up in my own bed to find my male flatmate watching me as I slept!! Needless to say he was kicked out of the house the very next day **shudder**
But anyway back to my current dilemma...........
Its very hard to figure someone out in the whole ten minutes of a room viewing. Most nutters do a good job of hiding the crazy for the initial introductions, Ive found it usually takes a fortnight or more for the veil to slip and let the crazy start to slip out. So what to do??
I wish there was a handy little device you could buy in the hardware store to detect freaks, like the little breath tester that tells you if you can drive. **knock knock** Hi very nice to met you, before I show you around the house, could you blow into this device please ...........**beep beep** Oh I'm very sorry sir, your results show that your a closet cross dresser,and you spend your spare time stalking your ex-girlfriends mother.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)