Further to the
Ba da dat da daaaaaaaaa.............. Im lovin it!
It brings a whole new meaning to the ''Happy Meal''
Friday, July 25, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Tesco's Finest
So, as my earlier blog states,Tesco cant ever sell Dildos because of there slogan. . . . . . ''Every Little Helps''. Cause in the case of dildos, it couldn't be further than the truth. It would however be interesting to see the difference in a Tesco Value dildo and a Tesco Finest, I know what one I'd rather fork out on.
Now, Carlsbery could, Oh they could definitely sell dildos, and Nike could '' Just do it'', Loreal is another good slogan, because I know I'm definitely worth it, but my favourite is Mc Donalds.
Ba Da da dat da. . . . . . . . . . . . . . I'm lovin it!!!
Imagine going up to the drive through,
'can I take your order?'
'' Yes, Ill have a diet coke, a happy meal and a Mc Flurry stirred with a dildo please?''
Now, Carlsbery could, Oh they could definitely sell dildos, and Nike could '' Just do it'', Loreal is another good slogan, because I know I'm definitely worth it, but my favourite is Mc Donalds.
Ba Da da dat da. . . . . . . . . . . . . . I'm lovin it!!!
Imagine going up to the drive through,
'can I take your order?'
'' Yes, Ill have a diet coke, a happy meal and a Mc Flurry stirred with a dildo please?''
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Waste of time emails
Im sure your familur with the type of e-mail im talking about, the ones that generally start with ''copy and paste the following then fill out''. The stupid e-mails that ask you completly non-sensical questions like, 'If you were a sandwich what type of sandwich would you be?'' or ''Do you fold or scrunch your toilet paper when you wipe?''. Who the fuck folds their tolilet paper?
So to prevent me wasting anymore presious moments of my life on these e-mails, I devised a little plan to ensure that nobody EVER sends me one again. Just note that I sent this to eveyone in my address book, and hit 'reply all' also. Yes I am evil and going to Hell, but I will keep you a pint warm at the bar!
1. What is your occupation? Eternal student type person! Or trainee solicitor.
Sharon we all no you dont do any work, you just sit around all day scratching your gee, hoping that the burning sensation in your pants will go away.
2. What color are your socks right now? black.... but they are pump socks so u cant see them
They are stinking socks that you havent changed in ten days. . . . . . GO WASH
3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing... typing ....
YOU LIE!Your always listening to something, the paranoid voices in your head!!! And guess what they are right ''NOBODY LIKES YOU''
4. What was the last thing that you ate? A medium roll with chicken, lettuce, coleslaw and red onion
... and the dry chewing gum you picked from underneath your desk.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? I can, however my own car is an> automatic.. and Karina, believe me, its the only way!!!
When you lie baby Jesus cries
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? red
Like a fucking PERIOD!! With your big stupid period head
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some random person in work..
It was your ex, the one you keep stalking even though hes with a hottie now, and your just a sad pathetic LooooHoooooser
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Meh.. she's ok.... ;)
You told me you hated her, you told me that when shes around she drains your soul, so much so that you set up a club for people who also hate her
9. Favorite Vacation Spot ? America.. or Amsterdam!
Youve never go to either ever again, cause your parol officer wont let you
10. Favorite drink? Miller is my beer, vodka was my spirit but i feel> it adversley affects my sanity so im movin onto bacardi with pineapple fanta.
GIMP
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ice skating, gymnastics..> not into watching sport really.
You know how i know your gay?
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Indeed i have
Hem hem and your pubes.
13. Favorite food? Indian is amazing, its just like sex in my mouth!!!
Sex in your mouth is called a blowjob!!! Im never eating an Indian again.
14. Last movie you watched? Sex and the City- went to the cinema last> night.. it was better than expected
You didnt see any of the movie you were to busy giving head in the back row.
15. What do you do to vent anger? Have a rant! Torment myself> mentally... take it out on someone.. ha ha.
You stab little kittens with knitting needles!!!
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? hmm. i had a kickin doll's> house with furniture etc.. It was ''MY FUCKING YELLOW BIKE'' which you stole and then dumped it in the river!!! Dont think that i dont know you did that. . . . . . . . . . revenge is best served cold!!!
17. What is your favorite season? Summer
Cause it makes your gee all sweaty.
18. Hugs or kisses? kisses
Soppy bitch.
19. Cherry or Blueberry? blueberry i suppose CHERRY?
youve forgotten what that is, been so long since you had yours.
20. Do you want your friends to email you back?why not!
Ha you have no friends.
21. Who is most likely to respond? No one
Your right there loohooooser.
22. Who is least likely to respond? hmm, dunno?
YOUR MA
23. When was the last time you cried? Over the weekend at some point.> Im a bit stressed at the minute...
Cause you picked a kids birthmark of their face!! Sick twisted bitch!
24. What is on the floor of your closet? wash basket, hangers, clothes
& month old used condoms.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending> this to? Mala, she's been there since forever
Indeed I have, your like a fucking ball and chain, but just so you know, I only stuck around cause your Ma pays me to be nice to you.
26. Who is the friend you have known the shortest that you are sending> this to? Valerie, she's a newbie!!
Poor bitch RUN!! Get away now while you still can!!!
27. Favorite smells? nice aftershave on a man
You really love the smell of your own farts in the shower.
28. Who inspires you? My dad! Never met a more hard working,> inspirational man! He's just so clued in about everything!
HES NOT YOUR DA, MY DAS YOUR DA!!! Your Mother was a whore
29. What are you afraid of? nothing at this moment in time, i dont> have general fears...
Your afraid of me!!!
30. Favorite car I like? I like BMWs and Mercedes S class.. One day i> will own both!
You'll never own a bike! You are one.
31. Favorite cats or dogs? Dogs
Yes cause cats can sence EVIL, and they run away from you.
32. Number of keys on your key ring? 4,my home, mam and dad's, tony's, work
Yes and you use them all to have wanks in different places
33. How many years at your current job? 2 years and 9 months
Worked for 3 months and 2 weeks 4 hours and 13 minutes, the rest of the time she dossed on MSN.
34. Favorite day of the week? Saturday!!!!!
Cause thats when your Mexican pool boy calls round for a sevice
35. How many states have you lived in? hmm... technically 3, New York,> Connecticut and Seattle, Washington. Short stints but enjoyable!! And> America certainly hasn't seen the last of me!
HA you'll NEVER get past immigration again, considering the last time you got caught with bags of white powder up you gee. I know you were just bringing home sherbet dip for David but the Americans don't appreciate our love for a bit of sherbet
So to prevent me wasting anymore presious moments of my life on these e-mails, I devised a little plan to ensure that nobody EVER sends me one again. Just note that I sent this to eveyone in my address book, and hit 'reply all' also. Yes I am evil and going to Hell, but I will keep you a pint warm at the bar!
1. What is your occupation? Eternal student type person! Or trainee solicitor.
Sharon we all no you dont do any work, you just sit around all day scratching your gee, hoping that the burning sensation in your pants will go away.
2. What color are your socks right now? black.... but they are pump socks so u cant see them
They are stinking socks that you havent changed in ten days. . . . . . GO WASH
3. What are you listening to right now? Nothing... typing ....
YOU LIE!Your always listening to something, the paranoid voices in your head!!! And guess what they are right ''NOBODY LIKES YOU''
4. What was the last thing that you ate? A medium roll with chicken, lettuce, coleslaw and red onion
... and the dry chewing gum you picked from underneath your desk.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? I can, however my own car is an> automatic.. and Karina, believe me, its the only way!!!
When you lie baby Jesus cries
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? red
Like a fucking PERIOD!! With your big stupid period head
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Some random person in work..
It was your ex, the one you keep stalking even though hes with a hottie now, and your just a sad pathetic LooooHoooooser
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Meh.. she's ok.... ;)
You told me you hated her, you told me that when shes around she drains your soul, so much so that you set up a club for people who also hate her
9. Favorite Vacation Spot ? America.. or Amsterdam!
Youve never go to either ever again, cause your parol officer wont let you
10. Favorite drink? Miller is my beer, vodka was my spirit but i feel> it adversley affects my sanity so im movin onto bacardi with pineapple fanta.
GIMP
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? Ice skating, gymnastics..> not into watching sport really.
You know how i know your gay?
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Indeed i have
Hem hem and your pubes.
13. Favorite food? Indian is amazing, its just like sex in my mouth!!!
Sex in your mouth is called a blowjob!!! Im never eating an Indian again.
14. Last movie you watched? Sex and the City- went to the cinema last> night.. it was better than expected
You didnt see any of the movie you were to busy giving head in the back row.
15. What do you do to vent anger? Have a rant! Torment myself> mentally... take it out on someone.. ha ha.
You stab little kittens with knitting needles!!!
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? hmm. i had a kickin doll's> house with furniture etc.. It was ''MY FUCKING YELLOW BIKE'' which you stole and then dumped it in the river!!! Dont think that i dont know you did that. . . . . . . . . . revenge is best served cold!!!
17. What is your favorite season? Summer
Cause it makes your gee all sweaty.
18. Hugs or kisses? kisses
Soppy bitch.
19. Cherry or Blueberry? blueberry i suppose CHERRY?
youve forgotten what that is, been so long since you had yours.
20. Do you want your friends to email you back?why not!
Ha you have no friends.
21. Who is most likely to respond? No one
Your right there loohooooser.
22. Who is least likely to respond? hmm, dunno?
YOUR MA
23. When was the last time you cried? Over the weekend at some point.> Im a bit stressed at the minute...
Cause you picked a kids birthmark of their face!! Sick twisted bitch!
24. What is on the floor of your closet? wash basket, hangers, clothes
& month old used condoms.
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending> this to? Mala, she's been there since forever
Indeed I have, your like a fucking ball and chain, but just so you know, I only stuck around cause your Ma pays me to be nice to you.
26. Who is the friend you have known the shortest that you are sending> this to? Valerie, she's a newbie!!
Poor bitch RUN!! Get away now while you still can!!!
27. Favorite smells? nice aftershave on a man
You really love the smell of your own farts in the shower.
28. Who inspires you? My dad! Never met a more hard working,> inspirational man! He's just so clued in about everything!
HES NOT YOUR DA, MY DAS YOUR DA!!! Your Mother was a whore
29. What are you afraid of? nothing at this moment in time, i dont> have general fears...
Your afraid of me!!!
30. Favorite car I like? I like BMWs and Mercedes S class.. One day i> will own both!
You'll never own a bike! You are one.
31. Favorite cats or dogs? Dogs
Yes cause cats can sence EVIL, and they run away from you.
32. Number of keys on your key ring? 4,my home, mam and dad's, tony's, work
Yes and you use them all to have wanks in different places
33. How many years at your current job? 2 years and 9 months
Worked for 3 months and 2 weeks 4 hours and 13 minutes, the rest of the time she dossed on MSN.
34. Favorite day of the week? Saturday!!!!!
Cause thats when your Mexican pool boy calls round for a sevice
35. How many states have you lived in? hmm... technically 3, New York,> Connecticut and Seattle, Washington. Short stints but enjoyable!! And> America certainly hasn't seen the last of me!
HA you'll NEVER get past immigration again, considering the last time you got caught with bags of white powder up you gee. I know you were just bringing home sherbet dip for David but the Americans don't appreciate our love for a bit of sherbet
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